WASHINGTON—Despite Toronto mayor Rob Ford’s recent controversial
admission to having smoked crack cocaine, Americans across the country
confirmed Wednesday that, Rob Ford or no Rob Ford, there’s just no way
they’re about to start giving a shit about Canadian politics—no way in
hell.
“Yeah, sorry, not happening,” said 37-year-old Harrisburg, PA
resident Daniel Cooke, echoing the thoughts of millions of Americans who
told reporters they will continue happily ignoring any and all stories
about the Canadian government, the politics of Canada, or scandals
involving Canadian politicians.
“Frankly, that guy could have been
having sex with an underage boy in the middle of a parliament meeting or
whatever the hell they have over there and I still wouldn’t give a
shit. I don’t know or care to know who he is, where he’s from, or what
he did. What I do know is that if you think I’m going to start paying
attention to what’s going on with politics in Toronto or Nova Scotia or
Ontario City or wherever the fuck then you’re going to be very
disappointed.”
The U.S. populace went on to confirm that, unless Martin
Short were to somehow be elected prime minister, their interest level in
Canadian politics would remain at this level indefinitely.
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