September 30, 2019

Report Confirms Poorest Half Of World Probably Not Even Trying

OXFORD, U.K. — A new report claims just 62 individuals control as much wealth as half the world’s population, leading economists to speculate that the bottom half must not be trying very hard.

“It’s shocking that the 62 richest people on Earth had wealth ($1.76 trillion) equivalent to the poorest 3.6 billion people,” said Marcus Scott, an economist at Xyrp Asset Management. “You have to ask yourself, ‘Combined, all those folks can’t even earn as much as just five-dozen people? Honestly, it’s like they’re not even trying. No wonder they’re poor.’”

The Oxfam study, released this week, suggests several steps that can close the income gap, such as, “pay workers a living wage,” “promote women’s economic equality,” and “crack down on international tax havens.” But to Fox Business analyst Tracey Neidermeir, the unaffluent should start by making better decisions.

“The poor spend their days buying cheap food and discount socks and paying rent on horrible little apartments, which is a diversified portfolio, granted, but in the wrong sectors,” Neidermeir said. “Instead of food, clothing, and shelter, right now people should be thinking treasury bonds, healthcare stocks, and Iranian energy infrastructure.”

Critics of the wealth gap argue the poor don’t have the financial power to invest like the wealthy do, a situation economist Alex Feinstrobe said is easily overcome.

“If you don’t have the finances to do those things – and admittedly a lot of people don’t – there are other steps that don’t involve large amounts of money,” Feinstrobe said. “For instance, networking can pay huge dividends. So play golf with a Federal Reserve Board member, or go to a house party in the Hamptons, or have lunch with a fellow Harvard Business School graduate.

“I think that’s the difference,” Feinstrobe said. “Did those other 3.6 billion people think to do even one of those things? Even one? That’s rhetorical. The answer is ‘Of course not.’”


6 comments:

  1. Almost lefts speechless!

    How much I bet, Neidermeir and Feinstrobe are jews?
    (no reference in Wikipedia)

    I am convinced they are the controlling arm (jews) of the Anunnaki.
    And that's why they were co-pted (Hebrews /Israelites) way back when.

    They want nothing so much as power over their Brethren in Spirit. More than land, or gold, or diamonds, or anything else. POWER over Humans!

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  2. The guy just got finished pooping on a street somewhere and now he's gonna network with people in the Hamptons? Ok ... why not?

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  3. @Nona, it’s satire......I’m off to invest in string vests and underpants, I’ve heard they hold the ‘heat’ in better than whole cloth.

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  4. Well, Henry, got me good. Better than the Onion. lol

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  5. SatireWire.com (News. Ish.) is a new one to me... lolz

    another Onion-esque one I've discovered through twatter, is BabylonBee.com, which seems to have a pro-conservative slant, mostly mocking SJWs.

    IE they did one last Feb re Senator Pocahontas,

    Elizabeth Warren Admits To Wearing Paleface At College Costume Party
    February 6th, 2019
    https://babylonbee.com/news/elizabeth-warren-admits-to-wearing-paleface-at-college-costume-party

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