The fallout from the Epstein saga grows and grows as the full scope of the operation slowly reveals itself. In an unexpected twist today the Vatican became enveloped in the scandal.The Vatican finance minister released a statement following revelations of an unpaid invoice for 'services rendered' from Epstein Global Girls LLC. or EGG as it was commonly known possibly as Epstein's egotistical reference to his uniquely shaped penis. A Vatican insider however declared the story untrue and the invoice a fake. Allegedly the invoice totaled almost $600,000 and was for pizza. As the insider stated the Vatican for the large part is anti pizza and more inclined to munch on hot dogs. In a show of inter faith solidarity the pope addressed the crowds and implored the faithful to invest in Israel based telecom stocks and pray backwards whilst sacrificing their pets for the salvation of Epstein who according to the holy father had simply strayed from the path of righteousness and been caught. The jewish community responded saying that whilst they had enjoyed running the Vatican bank,infiltrating and mocking Catholics worldwide and some of the tamer multi faith sex parties frequently thrown at the Vatican, they neither needed or desired prayers for one of their own.
Over in the UK newly instated Trump clone Boris Johnson called the head of MI6 to downing street to find out if he was implicated in the Epstein affair. Upon finding out he wasn't he demanded that documents suggesting over 60 trips to pedo island by himself be slipped in to the FBI files in order to 'save face'. "Britain is the pedo capital of the world and i won't have the countries hard won reputation destroyed whilst i'm pretending to run it ! " he screamed according to insiders. He also made reference to Trump's 'ridiculous' hair and suggested he wasn't a natural blonde.
Meanwhile at Buckingham palace prince Andrew sought an audience with the Queen who snubbed him. She was said to be too busy mowing down peasants in the palace grounds with her Range Rover and was described as 'livid' when one became wedged in the wheel arch bringing a premature end to her weekly routine. The heavily pregnant woman was removed by staff and fed to the corgis. A royal spokesperson later issued a statement to the effect that Andrew was no longer welcome at the palace and that whilst the Crown sanctioned all forms of abuse regarding commoners,it was unacceptable to get caught. Prince Philip was clay pigeon shooting using Asian midgets and in such a state of euphoria it was deemed rude to interrupt him for comment.
The Epstein story did make the UK news until mid morning when the surprise return of London pensioner, Mavis Riley's assumed dead cat kicked the story off the top spot. A truck fire and the mysterious death of a barn owl in a small northern town vanquished Epstein to the 'in other news' summary. Boris Johnsons promise that Britain would certainly, most definitely and in all likelihood leave, or certainly distance itself, possibly by quite a large margin, but not guaranteed, from the EU was the final straw and Epstein was relegated to the history books.
We sought a statement from our Irish correspondents, but Brizer was still incapacitated and we don't know the whereabouts of Delcroix due to him currently denying houses exist and his last known residence being a hedge just south of Dublin which unfortunately was aggressively pruned shortly after he moved in.
Tez
