U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) sent shockwaves through the Republican Party today when he announced that he would endorse Donald Trump for President, but only if theGOP nominee would be willing to publicly support a ban on masturbation. The Senator called this 'The single most important issue facing the country today' and that without 'swift action by the next President the country was doomed to slide down a slippery slope of debauchery and self-satisfaction'. "Self-love is a silent killer in this country. This needless act of hedonistic indulgence is leading our children down a dark and destructive path. It starts innocently enough with a JC Penney catalogue tucked under your mattress, but it quickly spirals out of control, and before you know it, your mother has to call the coroner because you've died from auto-erotic asphyxiation. I'm not saying that we should lock up these one armed bandits and throw away the key; what we need is a compassionate approach that helps these deviants reform and become productive members of society. That is why I believe a prison sentence of three to five years will help motivate these heathens to change their evil ways and stay off the Devil's playground for good," Cruz said. "I'm asking Mr. Trump to acknowledge the severity of this problem, and commit to finding real solutions. If he does that, I will do whatever it takes to help him secure the White House in November. Should Mr. Trump decline, I think it's safe to say that all options, including a third party run, are out on the table." Donald Trump told ABC News that he was open to the idea, though he refused to take a clear stand.