Saturday, May 25, 2019

Mocking Mamis.


So it finally  happened.Over a decade of online stalking.Several hundred begging letters.Multiple donations (one of which was over $3!) and thousands of hours on Skype listening to a guy that hasn't STFU for more than 45 seconds since the mid 80's.It was all worth it though.Yep Zapoper popped the question to me at last......in that harsh accent that only someone who consumes four packs of Marlboro and three litres of paint thinners a day could have, came the words i've waited to hear for so long........."You wanna be an admin?"

.My heartrate increased and i felt a tingle down my right leg ,a cold sweat rolled down my forehead.Thoughts of all the of positives accepting his offer flooded my mind.......the keys to Mamis backroom where i imagined every pleasure known to man laid out for the taking under neon lights........hanging with all the cool people (and Zap/Foone)........making Renegades shit list..........making the jews shit list........having my own trolls on call 24/7 to flood my every post with spam and petty insults........global hatred all aimed at me.Man i waited so long for this.

What could i say? I gotta act cool like it's no big deal,but it's kinda hard when the excitement overwhelms you and piss is running down your leg.Again thoughts of the implications overcame me.......i can post videos about licking goldfish to cure hair loss naturally........videos about fake events then other videos to prove the original video was fake......videos that deny videos exist.........articles that prove the natural human diet is tree bark and sand.......fuck man i'm king of the world!

 I can post news articles in languages no one south of the arctic ocean speaks......ban trolls and insult them repeatedly for days then unban them and watch all that pent up frustration spew out.....WOW! A sharp gust of wind brought me back to reality.The cool chill that follows the warm happy feeling after your bladder lets go."Go on then" i replied trying to sound nonchalant.

Zap slung a dirty copper coloured key across the table at me."That's the key to the backroom.Don't lose it. Oh and no fucking flat earth shit."My heart sank.How could i not mention that? It's the most important thing on this world.It's the key to uniting us all and most importantly if we can find the edge we can shove all the fuckers that had us over the last two or three millennia off it.Oh well i though ,he'll mellow in time and accept reason.

Once I can show him you can park a vehicle without the handbrake on in so many places accross the earth and it dosen't roll away how can he argue? Zap fell over at that point and hit his head hard on the way down.My instinct was to jump up and help him,but then i figured he's a moose jockey so well used to falling off.Plus i had the key to wonderland now....

Fuck Zap.I'm gonna hit the backroom.I'm gonna find the bar in there,pour myself a warm glass of Brizers finest and look around.Maybe take a dip in the hot tub,shoot some pool and bang Hoax train on the jukebox.There might even be some hot chicks in there i thought.Conspiracy groupies huddled round Grizz as clouds of herbal smoke and words of wisdom flowed from his mouth ,or Scorpio amoungst a group of adoring bikini clad babes begging him to do another conspiracy hour.Maybe I'd get to meet Wanda and I could help mix the latest batch of acids,ant poisons and pool cleaners into healthy natural beauty products.

I went up to the large and battered steel door which had a huge red heart and "I'm sorry, I  love you Mr Zapoper" spray painted across it.Underneath was "Fuck you Lindsey" in French.The door was heavy,but opened smoothly and easily.The smell was overpowering.Somewhere between a meth lab and a JD distillery. I walked down a long hallway towards an open door with soft blue light flooding out.As i walked through the doorway i saw a guy sitting in a large leather chair straight in front of me surrounded by empty wine bottles.

He was swinging a large hammer and shouting "feckers" as he hit something repeatedly.As i got closer i saw several flat discs on the floor that had previously been globes.To my right i noticed shimmering water and heard a bubbling sound.I walked towards the source of the noise and saw a camel,bloated and lifeless, floating nose down in the pool.The hammering ceased and the chair swung round towards me.I made eye contact with the occupant and him with me.I glanced at the camel then back towards the chair."Don't feckin ask" flowed from his lips in a strong Irish accent..........."Delcroix!" i shouted exitedly."Will you sign my 'I hit the ice wall' t-shirt "i begged."Feck off" came the reply as he spun in the chair and continued hammering.

21 comments:

Jew_ ron_im-o said...

Good intro but when is the whole story coming out?

Tez said...

When Zap quits sending the hush money.

The Ogster said...

Welcome Tez
at least you got the "don't post flat earth"

fucked if I got that lol

Tez said...

Hey Ogster.I got the instruction tattooed on my forehead as part of the initiation ceremony.You must have dropped lucky lol.

Scorpio said...

Tez, just wait until the admin secret initiation ceremony.
Prepare to have '33' branded on the back of your hand along with a 5G activated microchip.
Zap is a stern master....beware...

BTW - great stuff. You should work on a book or at least a short story.
Cheers

Tez said...

Lol.Thanks Scorp.I've had time to peruse the contract small print now and may have to re negotiate the terms.Luckily due to a prior branding with the triple six on both hands i'm outta space for the three elevens.Zap is no problem as i have the photos of him with the panda that go viral if he pisses me off and i was considering a new version of a certain 'holy' book as a small ongoing project seeing as though even people dead for 75 years are releasing new books currently! Maybe a few chapters in GD could command his chosen to enter the sea via tall cliffs during a storm so he could show his love and rescue them.Anyway i don't want to give the whole plot away.
Be lucky bro.

Noor al Haqiqa said...

I am not one of the in group but, after all these years have a pretty good sense of every one of you. The no flat earth line cracked me up. Also the Lindsey reference near the end. Very funny intro. Every one of you was nailed spot on.

zapoper said...

Laughing out loud type of writing. Good one Tez.

Tez said...

Hey Zap.Thanks dude.As for you Noor....well we're all one big happy family here as you know so you are part of the 'in group' just that the office girl's been away with mental health issues for ten years after staying over with Zap one weekend so you probably didn't get the memo.Yep one big happy family watching the house burn down around us lol.

Red Orchid said...

I'm just wondering which part of the flat earth are you from?

Tez said...

Sadly i'm a fully fledged serf of the evil little island floating in the North and Irish seas (on traditional and incorrect maps of the planet lol) or England as it used to be called.Please don't hold it against me.Someone white has to remain here to ensure the new population are up to speed on operating the lights and other technical equipment left behind when we abandoned ship and fled back to Atlantis.I drew the short straw.

Tez said...

To the Mad Subtitler.My serious opinion and shared by others here is the flat earth is more division and BS injected into the mix.I honestly at this point don't care about any scientific theory currently whether that's earth expansion theory or any other.The facts of our world are that we are being ever increasingly controlled,manipulated and led to extinction by a group of psychopaths.This is my focus and in my opinion should be everyones.Revealing any hidden truths,free energies or anything else is of no use to dead men.As and when we conquer the enemy we can peruse the true wonders of our planet at our leisure.My opinion and i'm sticking with it.I'm only here to provide light entertainment anyway at the request of Zap so proving or disproving scientific theories is way over my pay grade lol.As for Mami's being an 'information gathering grid' and being tasked with disproving that then i'm fascinated how anyone could? If however that is your true belief then can i suggest you protect yourself and don't allow my fellow agents and i to profile you and gather your data.No doubt your posts will continue to be deleted.I can assure you never by me.I'm happy for anyone to post anything,but it isn't my site and i'm merely a guest here as you are.As such i respect the wishes of my hosts.In fighting is pointless and merely plays into the enemies hands.I agree with all the admins on some points,but none on all and no doubt they are the same regarding me.Who cares.We are in a war and have two choices of side.I'm not throwing out potential allies because they wear the wrong brand of jeans,live 5000 miles from me,sit there in the garden talking to fairies or can't grasp vital scientific evidence.

annspinwall4 said...

hilarious...thanks for the laugh

zapoper said...

@ tez. Visit the spam box and see the charming comments he made in the last few years.

Tez said...

Cheers annspinwall4 and when i can find it i will Zap.I'm sure you're justified in putting him in the playroom alone,but i just judge by what i've seen.I mean he thinks you're a twat so he's a reasonable judge of character if nothing else lol.Nah i'll try find his rap sheet and if it's as bad as you say we'll both go over and throw one of your parties at his place.I'm still doing repairs from the last one you threw here and we're supposed to be friends.Sound like a deal?

zapoper said...

LOL

Feelstupidyet said...

Welcome to the party Tez.

Tez said...

Thanks Feelstupidyet.I've actually been around from almost the start,but due to behavioral issues Zap restricted me to washing up in the kitchen and forbid me from mingling with the guests previously.Anyway i'm fine now and haven't bitten anyone for weeks so we're all good.

Brizer said...

You have just been reading an excerpt from "Tez's Adventures in Mami-Land"an autobiographical masterpiece which has been translated into 6 million languages including Swahili, Mongolian and yes even Yiddish. There are further stories of how Tez auditioned for bagpipe solo on "Hoax Train" and a soprano solo on "The Goyim Know". Despite his best efforts he didn't make the grade but that is not stopping our Tez! He then goes on to tell us about his experiments on a free energy device using his own ahem "waters" which disperses even the most hardened of the Antifa. 5G is "soooo last year" says Tez.
I won't say anymore because folks you need to read this tome which has been years in the writing. It is published by Ice Wall Publishing and will be available from Mamizon before the Grand Solar Minimum kicks in for the bargain price of 6 million shekels. What a snip! Be careful of that scissors Rabbi! LOL!
Cheers Tez that cheered me up big time. Welcome to the lodge! LOL

Tez said...

LMFAO.Hey Brize your comment cheered me up too after the disappointment of your cancelled show. You feckers only do shows when i'm busy,never when i'm off. If i was conspiracy minded lol.Anyway good to see you recovered from last weeks after show bash and i meant to ask did you get the dent out of the jet ski? I don't know what impressed me more,jumping the pool table or landing on Del. He says he's fine btw and doc thinks he should heal nicely. Catch you backstage shortly mon ami.

Unknown said...

Flat white is worst than flat earth.
That is all...